Tuesday, April 23, 2013

From Behind The Bars

From Behind the Bars


As she lifelessly fell to the ground, he was frightened. His trembling hands loosened his tight, sweaty grip, and the blood-smothered knife stumbled down to the paved road. It was a horrendous sight, her bleeding body pressed against the rough, cement ground in agony. And all that he could hear were the shrieking sirens, and the flashing lights, heading towards him.


Her sweet melodious voice, like a bird mesmerised me.  Her angelic eyes begged for my attention as they sparkled with luster. And her fine curved silhouette had forcefully reeled my heart into her unreliable and unworthy hands.

Her luscious, plumped pink lips met mine, and her shadow elegantly danced with me in my pleasant dreams. But, it’s true, she lived only in my dreams, and nowhere beyond.

Alisha had been dating that devious devil for an entire year. Had he loved her at all? Probably not! And neither did he deserve her. But blinded by his endless wealth and dazzling stance, she had fallen for him. Yes, she had fallen. And as my keen eyes told me, she was only going to be falling deeper and deeper, till one day, she wouldn’t be able to get herself back up.

I often wonder why she loved him, and not me. What did I lack? Of course, it’s the money! After all, isn’t that what really matters to women? At times, I pitied my foolish heart, and pondered how I became utterly infatuated with that lustful, greedy beauty. My na├»ve mind should have known, a vivacious woman like Alisha would only love a handsome, rich guy like Aiden.

Alisha was never mine. But now, both Aiden and I had lost her, forever.

That was the bittersweet tale of my love, where my sweet, innocent heart was willingly handing itself over into the hands of a bitter angel.

This heartbreaking love story of mine was short, but immense in emotion. Without a doubt I can now say, it was all a big mistake. It has led me to this point in my life where I’m isolated from the few that loved me, and tormented by regret, and guilt. And, oh, did I forget to mention the silent hate that lurks for me in Aiden’s mind?

I’d rather be reminiscing right now, but there are no enjoyable memories from my unfortunate past, and neither does my future look very promising… So I expectantly gaze around this dusty, empty room of mine, but as expected, I saw nothing other than those bars. Those grey, metallic bars locking me into this room, which most prefer to call jail.


Like the usual mornings of the past few months, this one was filled with isolation. I often sigh, when I hear the word isolation. My heart aches, and cries as it hears this word, now that this Isolation has become my only, reliable friend. Reliable, but silent, is there even the use of such a friend? For me, yes, isolation is truly valuable, without it, I’m alone.

We stand side by side
The only two 
Who understand one another

We share a dream
To let these suppressed thoughts
And allow these words to gleam

You’re not a desired paradise
Yet my only vacation
A vacation,
From myself, to some other

I have one friend,
Which is you
For me, there is one truth
I’m not alone
Nor will I be
‘Cause ‘till the end
With me, you will be

My only friend, indeed
No longer a word,
But a world,
A greed
Someone that I need

Without you
I stand alone

Before this beautiful relation with Isolation, I was not confined in this area behind the bars. I wasn’t given a room to myself. Not until they blatantly labelled me as “too violent and aggressive to be held in prison with another inmate”.

My inmates were similar to me, torn up in some way, misguided into a foolish decision. But what had provoked me to ruthlessly strangle one of my inmates? Was it his resemblance to Aiden? The tall, handsome dashing man who stole my Alisha’s heart? Indeed, it was.

The weary, pale-skinned face of Ryan resembled Aiden in every way possible. His structure, his physique was coincidentally matching to Aiden as well. Each glimpse of Ryan’s face tormented me.

The anxiety was building up, and strengthening into a hateful aggression. My behaviour towards Ryan was worsening by the day. I could see Alisha in his arms, away from me… But it was when he asked me how I’d ended up in this jail that I became raged, and no longer able to control the heating pressure inside of me. My hands suddenly jerked up and grabbed his soft, scaly neck.

Since that day, I’ve been awarded my own jail cell, which I prefer to call my room.


Alisha was always a distant dream, never in the near grasp. And neither did I expect her to be. I adored her beauty at a distance. I guess I could say that I had quite an addictive personality, solely her silhouette against the beach, on the radiant day had caught my attention. Since then, I’ve been addicted. I would follow her wherever she went, only to stare at her perfectly proportional features. The eyes were certainly the boldest, most striking part of her; they abundantly sparkled, as if they were asking for my attention.

Those eyes,
Sparkle and dazzle

Each time
I fall
They catch me

Oh lady
What spell have you casted
On me

Your eyes
Dance through me
They’re all that I see
An addiction, it must be

Please, my mistress
Don’t shut out those eyes
Not for a second
My heart will skip a beat

The brown-eyed beauty never had known me, but still for me, there was a certain depth in this relation. Was this even a relation? Probably not, in fact, she was entirely oblivious to my existence


Your every tear
Feels like an ocean
Flowing out my eyes

Your ache, your pain
Stabs me like a sharp knife
Taking my life

My solitude and addiction had led to this deep emotional attachment with Alisha. Aiden and her fought a lot, and when she finally succumbed to his greed, it struck me strongly as well.  It was then, when my heart ignited a new feeling towards her. It was anger. I always felt as if she was making the wrong decision being with Aiden, after all, what was he? Whenever the two fought, and she was proved wrong, I feel agitated, and raged at her.

Slowly this anger, built up within me. I was blinded by my selfishness; I thought Alisha would want the same as me, to be far away from Aiden. But I was wrong. She was happy with him, only sparking more pressure to my anger. I wanted her to be far away from that man, but I never had mustered the courage to confront him. And as I saw it, Alisha couldn’t muster up the courage to separate herself from that man, and come running to me.

So there it was, my conclusion. I decided to take the big, bold step on behalf of Alisha, and free her from what my eyes had disguised as her pain.

You’re stuck,
Frozen in time

Your pain is torturous
Let me free you
Cut the string
And let you go

Fly away
I’d rather see you
Then see you 
Live with
Such a pain


The morning was bright, lustrous, and beautiful. The birds were melodiously humming their graceful tunes, and the sky was clear. An illusion, it seemed, for by the night the clear skies, and radiant sun had succumbed to the darkness of the cold and rainy night.

That night, my auburn, fluffed hair was drenched in the cloud’s tears, and my freckled skinned face drenched in my own.  Tonight was the night, I’d free Alisha from her angst, or more so, my anger.

As usual, she was looking like an angel flying directly out of heaven. The sparkly eyes, the dark, velvety-smooth hair, and the beautiful eye-catching smile, were making me reconsider my decision. But my mind was set out, and I intended on following my plan. After all, it was for both me and Alisha.

My hands began to diligently tremble, and struggle to keep grasp on the sharp, silver knife. But my persistent mind was ready, and demanded my unwilling feet to approach the soft-skinned Angel.

As she first saw me, the rains were falling hard against the paved road. With each drop of rain, she gasped. She looked awfully terrified, of me. With my eyes, I tried to make it clear that I was freeing her from her trouble, but her eyes didn’t get the message. She was frightened, and nearly shrieked after seeing the sharp bladed knife in my scrawny hands.

Her fright was let loose, as my hand jerked up, straight towards her chest. Her beautiful lips shrieked, pleading for mercy. But she was oblivious to the fact that I was her only help. The knife had made it through the frightened young girl’s chest, and back out.

I stared at her for quite some time, in remorse. The people nearby immediately reached into their purses, pockets, and made the emergency call, and then there was me standing idly, observing her beautiful silhouette as it began to fall to the ground.

As she lifelessly fell to the ground, I became frightened. My trembling hands loosened my sweaty grip, and the blood-smothered knife stumbled down to the paved road. It was a horrendous sight, her bleeding body pressed against the rough, cement ground in agony. And all that I was able to hear were the shrieking sirens, and the flashing lights, heading towards me.

From that day onwards, jail had become my new home.


Today morning again was spent with myself only, and I somehow admire the confinement.  I began to quietly hum an old tune that I had suddenly remembered. As I was silently singing, a tiny glimpse of sunlight peered into a crack from the left wall. It had been a while since I last saw the invigorating sunlight, I certainly did miss it.

I suddenly heard a knock, and glanced up towards the door. A fine, curved lady in a pink dress, covered by a white cloth walked in and approached me. In her hands were my medicines. Slowly she began assorting the pills, and pouring some water into a cup for me.

In the near distance from the door, I heard Aiden, speaking to another man.

“So, how is Robert doing Doc?” the unknown man questioned.

“He’s improving. He’s still a threat to the other patients, he tends to become  aggressive once in a while. Unfortunately still hallucinating, and seeing Alisha” the Doctor disappointingly replied.

“Well, that’s unfortunate. I hope he gets well soon.” The stranger murmured.

“He certainly will!” Dr. Aiden stated confidently.

I often wonder about what the doctors call hallucinations. There was no way I could be hallucinating. It was all just too real. That stormy, cold night, my dazzling Alisha, and the ruthless murder, the nurse often explained to me that I was no murderer, and neither was I behind the bars.

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